Ideas for Older Siblings (and Cousins) at the Bris

In short: Older siblings and cousins can be meaningfully involved at a bris rather than becoming distracted or overwhelmed. Two ideas that have worked for many families Rabbi Glantz has served: presenting the baby with a tzedakah box and putting coins in it during the ceremony, and making or decorating the pillowcase used on the Throne of Elijah.

Often, families are conflicted about the appropriateness of older siblings being present at a bris, especially the worry that little ones will become distractions to your guests, or find the event overwhelming themselves. These two ideas have worked for many families Rabbi Glantz has served. Reading them may spark other ideas you form yourselves that will prove even better for your children or young guests.

How can a sibling give the tzedakah box gift?

The older sibling(s) or cousin(s) can present baby with a tzedakah box and have the fun of putting coins in it during the ceremony. By giving tzedakah in baby's name, it can be said that baby is symbolically already performing acts of generosity and kindness, with the help of his little helpers.

• A can or bottle can be used as a makeshift tzedakah box, and making or decorating it ahead of time can itself be a wonderful distraction — stickers can often be done without supervision or mess.
• Coins can then be given to the child during the ceremony (sanitized in a world still affected by post-pandemic awareness), and the tactile project of putting them in the container can quietly busy a child with something time-consuming and meaningful.

How can siblings decorate the pillowcase for the Throne of Elijah?

Rabbi Glantz usually brings a fancy embroidered pillowcase that goes over a standard bed-sized pillow to use in the ceremony, but it can be even more meaningful for older siblings to make and decorate one ahead of time, or while guests are arriving on the day of the bris.

Creating this case and then watching it be used and identified — "that's the one Sarah made!" — during the ceremony itself will likely be exciting and meaningful for the child. They become a real participant in the moment rather than an observer.

For more on the chair itself and Elijah's role at every bris, see The Throne of Elijah.

Have another idea?

If you've found a way to involve older siblings or young cousins that worked beautifully for your family, email Rabbi Glantz — he'd love to add it to this page so other families can learn from you.